Finding a Birth Mother

If you are pursuing a private adoption, you will be responsible for finding a birth mother. In New York, you are not allowed to use the services of a paid facilitator (an unlicensed person or entity who performs matching services) to locate a birth mother. Attorneys in New York are also prohibited from matching prospective adoptive parents and birth parents. However, our firm knows of many resources we can help connect you with if you meet with us at the beginning of your adoption journey.

You may want to consider setting up a website and Facebook page specifically about yourself and your goal of adoption. You may also want to consider purchasing advertisements for yourself on Google or on various adoption websites. If that seems overwhelming to do on your own, there are many companies that can help you. Our firm partners with My Adoption Advisor and our clients receive a 10% discount on their services. Learn about the custom package of training, profile, website, and advertising services we developed with My Adoption Advisor, too (please email us for the coupon code). When you’re selecting a company, make sure they specialize in advertising for adoptive parents.

You may also want to create an adoption profile for yourself. Again, My Adoption Advisor can help you create your adoption profile. You can then carry a folder full of your adoption profiles with you everywhere you go and hand them out whenever the opportunity presents itself. The more people you tell your story to, the more likely it is that someone will be able to introduce you to a birth mother looking to place her baby.

Once you find a birth mother, you need to make sure you and she are a good fit. Some things you will want to consider are:

  • the level of openness you each want
  • the amount of expenses she wants reimbursed (learn more about the adoption costs)
  • whether there are any complicating birth father issues

If you have not yet started working with an attorney, you need to get your attorney involved at this point. Your attorney can help you confirm that the match is appropriate and not a scam. We will often request medical records and warn you about any red flags, such as requests for large sums of money prior to the birth. You can also monitor websites where prospective adoptive parents report birth parents who have scammed them.

Our firm will also provide a referral for an attorney to represent the birth mother (and birth father if he is involved in the adoption plan).

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